


please understand me hyung

by rsb23



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Swearing, M/M, Mental Instability, but sometimes that isnt enough, i wasnt in a good place when i wrote this, jaebum tries his best, jinyoung just wants to be understood, part of the moodboard bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 23:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16293908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsb23/pseuds/rsb23
Summary: “You wanted to show me some…  fishes?”“There are notsomefishes. They are koi fishes, hyung.”Jaebum awkwardly cleared his throat, still no smarter than before. “Ah, I see.”





	please understand me hyung

**Author's Note:**

> i advise listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKDGZ-VWLMg) while reading. this fic is my first fic in the moodboard bingo. (this was written to moodboard 12)
> 
> // un-betad.

 

_ According to Japanese legend, if a koi fish succeeded in climbing the falls at a point called Dragon Gate on the Yellow River, it would be transformed into a dragon. Based on that legend, it became a symbol of aspiration. _

 

* * *

 

Jaebum stood behind the counter bored as ever, flipping through some magazines when the bell chimed and a figure bursted in. 

 

“Hyung!” Jinyoung said, slightly out of breath. His school uniform looked slightly rumpled and his face was red and sweaty. 

 

“Jinyoung, what are you doing here? It’s late, go home.”

 

“I’m going to do it, hyung. Tonight.” Jinyoung’s eyes were slightly unfocused but shined with excitement. He was breathing heavily. 

 

“Do what?” Jaebum asked but Jinyoung looked over his shoulder to focus on something behind him and didn’t answer.

 

“Do  _ what _ , Jinyoung?” 

 

“Give me one pack of cigarettes.” 

 

“ _ No way. _ ” Jaebum said in disbelief. Jinyoung focused back at him with dilated pupils. “Are you out of your mind? Did you take something again?”

 

“Hyung… “ Jinyoung laughed out loud and covered his mouth with his hand. “You’re so cute when you get all worked up. You don’t need to worry though, I’ve got everything under control.” He even winked at Jaebum. 

 

“You need to go home, Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum said but it was like talking to a wall. Jinyoung put both of his hands on the counter and leaned over.

 

“You know what I don’t have under control yet?” he licked his lips. “ _ You _ .”

 

Jinyoung leaned even further over the counter and pressed his lips against Jaebum’s. He tasted sweet as he licked into Jaebum’s mouth and Jaebum couldn’t help but kiss him back. Jinyoung tried to angle his head and deepen the kiss but no matter how good he tasted and how dizzy Jaebum felt, he couldn’t help but notice the way Jinyoung’s body was shivering where he touched his neck and how unnaturally hot his skin felt. 

 

“Jinyoung, stop…” Jaebum muttered and broke away from the kiss. Jinyoung pouted at him. 

 

“Will you come with me, hyung? I have to do the  _ thing. _ ” he asked in a soft tone.

 

“I can’t, my shift isn’t over yet and you know that.” 

 

“But I don’t want to do it alone, hyung.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Please.”

 

“Jinyoung,  _ I can’t. _ ” Jaebum sighed and Jinyoung stepped away from the counter, looking offended. 

 

“Will you at least give me cigarettes?”

 

“No. Go home, Jinyoung. It’s getting late.” 

 

Jinyoung snarled and Jaebum closed his eyes, knowing what’s about to come. 

 

“I hate you.” 

 

“Jinyoung,  _ please. _ ” 

 

“I hate you so much, I wish we had never met. God, I can’t even tell you in words  _ how much I despise you _ .” Jinyoung yelled, smashing his fist against the counter and then he was out of the store before Jaebum could even blink. 

 

“ _ Shit. _ ” 

  
  


* * *

 

 

Jaebum’s backpack was hanging off of one of his shoulders as he rattled with the keys trying to close the door of the convenience store. It was nearing midnight and he was the last one to leave. 

 

It was friday night, the city was still alive but Jaebum felt tired. Working until midnight after a day of classes was always tiring but Jinyoung showing up and messing up his head left him with the kind of tiredness that not even sleep could cure. He finally got the right key in the lock when he heard a voice coming from behind him.

“ _ Hyung. _ ”

 

It was Jinyoung’s voice, shaky and slurred almost like he was drunk and Jaebum closed his eyes. The tiredness seemed to take over his body with a force so strong he hardly had the willpower to fight against it. For a minute he couldn’t move, mind completely blank. Then Jinyoung called him again and he let out a sigh and finished closing the door. 

 

“Why are you still here, Jinyoung? I thought I told you to go home.” Jaebum said and turned around to face Jinyoung. 

 

Jinyoung was still in his rattled uniform and his eyes were shiny and puffy as if he had been crying. He stood before Jaebum with a hunched back and his hands hidden in his pockets.

 

“I did the thing, hyung.”

 

“ _ I have no idea what you’re talking about. _ ” Jaebum whispered wearily. He wasn't sure whether Jinyoung didn't hear him or just didn't want to answer. 

 

“It hurt.” Jinyoung was looking down at his shoes.

 

“What did?”

 

“You weren’t there and it hurt.” 

 

“Talk to me for god’s sake, Jinyoung!” Jaebum snapped. He hated when Jinyoung got like this. He wasn't making sense, why couldn't he just talk to Jaebum like a normal person?

 

“But I’m talking to you, hyung, you’re just not listening!” Jinyoung said and slumped down to the ground. Jaebum’s heart ached as he watched him pull his knees up to his chest and start crying. 

 

“Hey, Jinyoung. Hey, it’s okay. Shh, I’m here.” Jaebum said softly as he crouched down next to Jinyoung and cradled his head gently against his chest. Jinyoung sobbed quietly into his chest. 

 

“It’s alright, Jinyoung-ah. You don’t have to cry, I’m here.”

 

“You never listen to me. Why don’t you understand what I’m saying?” Jinyoung whimpered and Jaebum let out a sigh and started patting Jinyoung back.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jinyoung-ah.”

 

* * *

 

 

_ One of the primary reasons the Koi is symbolic in Japanese culture is because it is known for swimming upstream no matter what the conditions are. They will continue to swim upstream as if on a mission. Kois swimming downstream are considered bad luck.  _

 

* * *

 

By the time Jinyoung calmed down, Jaebum’s knees were hurting and he was sure Jinyoung was going to get sick from sitting on the cold pavement for so long. They didn’t talk much while Jaebum held Jinyoung and he was still left in the dark about what Jinyoung was talking about as usual.   _ Where Jinyoung had been? What had he done?  _

 

“Do you want me to take you home, Jinyoung-ah?” Jaebum asked as he helped him to stand up. Jinyoung wiped his eyes with his uniform sleeve. 

 

“No. I-” Jinyoung looked like he just remembered something.  “ I want to show you something, hyung.” 

 

He grasped Jaebum’s hands in his and looked him in the eye with a strange urgency. His eyes looked much clearer than before and on his pale cheeks redness started to blossom. “It’s why I came back. I have to show it to you, maybe this way you’ll understand. Will you come with me, hyung?”

 

Jinyoung looked completely different from how he was just minutes ago, his quick change of heart leaving Jaebum unnerved. He agreed nevertheless. 

 

* * *

 

 

Following Jinyoung through the crowd on the main street that lead to the subway station was an outer body experience for Jaebum. 

 

His body was moving on his own as he dodged people and stepped around street food cards, eyes fixed on Jinyoung’s back in front of him. The noise, the music, the chatter all around him didn’t reach his ears, his thought being too loud and too quiet at the same time for him to register anything that was happening in the outside world.

 

_ Where was Jinyoung leading him? Did he close the door properly? Where had Jinyoung gone before? Which subway are they going to take? Why was Jinyoung talking animatedly with his eyes shining with excitement when he was crying only five minutes ago? Was that food cart selling fish shaped chips new? Jaebum had never seen them before. What was Jinyoung talking about that he didn't seem to understand? _

 

A drunk men walked into a lamp post and the beer bottle he was holding slipped from his fingers and got crushed to into a million pieces on the ground.

 

Jaebum felt more and more tired.  

 

* * *

 

The subway was nearly empty when they got on and Jinyoung took Jaebum’s hand, lead him to the end of the wagon. They sat down opposite of the direction the subway is going to, with Jinyoung sitting next to the window, eyes closed as he leaned against Jaebum’s shoulders. Jaebum took a deep breath.

 

“Are you feeling better, Jinyoung-ah?” He asked quietly. Jinyoung didn’t opened his eyes as he answered.

 

“I always feel better when I’m with you, hyung.” 

 

Jaebum bit down on his bottom lip. “Is that so?”

 

Jinyoung lifted his head up from Jaebum’s shoulder and pressed his lips against Jaebum’s cheeks, giving him a small kiss. 

 

“Of course, I love you hyung. Even if you don’t know how to listen.”

 

“I love you too, Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum said and when Jinyoung smiled at him with all his whiskers showing, he felt calm and tranquil for the first time that night. 

 

* * *

 

_ Another legend states that the koi climb the waterfall bravely, and if they are caught, they face their death on the cutting board. _

 

* * *

 

They got off three stations later and Jinyoung lead him down a busy street full of people and bright advertisements before turning into a narrow alley, that served as a passage between two parallel main streets. It was dimly lit and empty and Jaebum wondered how on earth Jinyoung has found this place.

 

Jinyoung didn't say anything as he walked up to a glass storefront then looked at Jaebum expectantly. Jaebum went to stand next to him. 

 

The store was dark inside but just in front of its glass window there were multiple aquariums with fishes swimming around in them. Jaebum looked at Jinyoung hopeful face and didn't know what to say. 

 

“You wanted to show me some…   _ fishes _ ?” 

 

“There are not  _ some  _ fishes. They are koi fishes, hyung.” 

 

Jaebum awkwardly cleared his throat, still no smarter than before. “Ah, I see.”

 

“I want you to buy me a _Kuchibeni_ , hyung.” Jinyoung said and pointed to one of the tanks.

 

Jaebum blinked at him dumbfounded.  _ He wanted Jaebum to buy him a what?  _ When he didn’t say anything, Jinyoung repeated himself and pointed at one red and white fish in particular.

 

Jaebum furrowed his brows. “You mean  _ now _ ? The store is closed, Jinyoung-ah. And you don’t even have an aquarium to begin with.” 

 

“I bought one the other day. It’s in my room. All I need is a  _ Kuchibeni _ .” Jinyoung’s mood seemed to be dropping rapidly. “Hyung, please.” 

 

As Jaebum was looking at Jinyoung, whose lips were turned down into a frown now and he felt the same tiredness from before slowly creep up on him.  _ What was Jinyoung even talking about? _

 

“Jinyoung, the store is closed and I’ve had a long day. Let’s go home.”

 

“ _ Hyung! _ ” Jinyoung’s voice quivered like he was at the brisk of crying again.

 

“No, Jinyoung. The shop is closed, can’t you understand that? I can’t buy you a  _ Kuchi _ \- whatever that fish is called. Let’s go home, we can come back another day.” 

 

“Hyung, don’t do this to me… please… You-”

 

“Do what, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked helplessly.  _ Why was Jinyoung always so difficult?  _ “I’m not going to break into a fucking pet shop to get you a fucking fish.” 

 

“You’re not listening to me again!”

 

“You’re not saying anything, Jinyoung! You dragged me here in the middle of the night to demand I buy you a fish! Do you even know what you want or did you just went bonkers again like you always do?” 

 

Jaebum was breathing heavily and Jinyoung looked like Jaebum had just slapped him across the face. 

 

“Why can’t you just listen to what I say?” he whispered and then he was crying again.

 

Jaebum closed his eyes, too tired to keep them open and look at Jinyoung anymore. “Because no matter how hard I try to listen to you, I don’t understand anything you say, Jinyoung-ah.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_Kuchibeni Koi:_ ** _ Red and white colored koi fish, symbolizing love. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> come and say hi on [tumblr](https://baldbeom.tumblr.com)!
> 
> kodos and comments are much appreciated! ♡


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